How Not to Appear Pregnant to your Friends

Here are four ways to avoid being questioned about not drinking when pregnant.

Don't Appear Pregnant


“I still don’t feel pregnant – sometimes I have to reassure myself that it’s real…”

It takes a while for the actual feeling of pregnancy to set in, but in the mean time, you still have to go about life as though you’re pregnant.

Kevin and I were blessed with a solid group of friends that stemmed from a class we took at our church. In seasons where it’s manageable, we get together with this group once a week, giving updates on our weeks/lives, working through small group material and, well, drinking generally. This, you cannot do when you’re pregnant.

So, alas, four ways to avoid being questioned about not drinking:

1 – Claim you’re sick – I really did have a cold at this point, so this one was easy, but when out for girls’ night and asked if I wanted to split a bottle of red wine amongst the four of us, I opted out, saying the alcohol burns my sore throat, and you know what? No one batted an eye at that.

2 – Drink apple juice in a wine glass – This would be the first of many times I used juice as decoy. On the same night I didn’t split the bottle of wine, we made our way back to my house to watch a movie, and… to drink more wine. Part way through the movie I “changed my mind and decided to have a drink after all”, giving me the opportunity to run into the kitchen on my own, pour apple juice (and water it down a bit) into a wine glass, and return announcing, “There’s peach spumante in the fridge if anyone wants some.” There really was peach spumante in the fridge… it was the last bottle I cracked open before realizing I was pregnant. Oops.

3 – Go gluten free – You can’t have most beer when you’re gluten free, so when our friends threw a birthday party at a brewery, my new gluten free lifestyle prevented me from drinking. “I’ll just have this water instead. I’m hoping cutting out gluten will help me feel better.” (It won’t – even the gluten free get morning sickness.)

4 – Just don’t drink all the time before you’re pregnant – I’m not a huge drinker. There were times we would get together with our friends and I’d opt for tea instead of a glass of wine or a beer. Once I started doing this every week, no one even noticed.

Alcohol aside, at this stage in the game, sleep got wonky. By 8:30 pm, I acquired an insatiable need to sleep, yet in the middle of the night, I’d wake up to use the bathroom and toss and turn from that point out. I hated my odd sleep pattern, but little did I know, there were days on the horizon I wouldn’t sleep at all.

In the stats: 
Gestational Age: 5 weeks, 4 days

PS This is not a flattering picture, and I can acknowledge that, but much of this pregnancy was not flattering, and the pictures will get worse, so maybe just gawk at my adorable dog who happily snuggled with my sleepy self in this one for now?

2 thoughts on “How Not to Appear Pregnant to your Friends”

  1. You are too funny and I love your writing. I will store these tips for “one day” because I am sure this will be a huge give away for a wino like me. ha!

Comments are closed.